Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
