so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
