The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
