Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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