Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
