Dual....:-)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize