please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize