great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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