Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
