i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
