dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
