I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
