Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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