I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
