After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
