Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
