It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
