Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize