I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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