Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
