And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
