My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
