I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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