You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
