he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i love accidental penises.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
