this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize