You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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