Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
