just tell him i said nine months
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
