I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize