Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
