Say something about gay babies.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
