Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize