I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
