how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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