those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
