I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
