am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
