Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
