Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
