Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
