Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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