What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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