Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
