She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
