Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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