I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
