My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
