dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
how drunk are you?
Several
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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