I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize