you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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