Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
