I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
