I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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