she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
