Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
