Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
