So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Randomize
