totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
