I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
