Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
