1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
