Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
